And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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