Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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