i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We are all done wearing pants today
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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