I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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