Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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