Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
