Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
