please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
