I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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