Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
