yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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