Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
