She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
