Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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