have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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