At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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