But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
