i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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