I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
