talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
