It's like God shit irony all over that family
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
