if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We need to rekindle our bromance
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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