I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
