When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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