dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
