Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
