We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
