I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
