Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
