i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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