so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize