..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
