I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
