Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i think i have herpe
just one?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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