the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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