i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
