i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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