I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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