Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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