May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
