He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
