New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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