grandma shit on top of the toilet
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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