I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
