my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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