you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
