The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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