Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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