He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Two words: blizzard sex
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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