I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
