Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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