dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize
