she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
