You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
True strength comes from lack of pants
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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