grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
