to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
