I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
