I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
