now i know why i became what i already was.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
