i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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