It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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