it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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